That guy on the right is not happy.

That guy on the right is not happy.

Christ’s life insurance claim rejected

“He died. Then he didn’t. Then he died, but lives in heaven. Technically he’s still alive so we aren’t paying,” claim AMP assessors.

AMP assessors have rejected a life insurance claim by Mr Jesus Christ of Heaven maintaining if you are alive and dead at the same time you don’t qualify. This follows AMPs rejection last year of three separate claims by the father, son and the Holy Ghost on the grounds they are all the same guy.

According to heavenly sources Jesus is “furious” and has retained Julian Burnside QC for an appeal where he plans “to get medieval, sort of Spanish Inquisition style, on AMP’s arse.”

A last minute development late last night however may avert Biblical wrath after Eddie McGuire accepted the Lord Almighty’s (Jesus’ dad) request to mediate an out of court session next Thursday in the back seat of his Lexus.

“If AMP supports my son in this I will deliver it from evil and lead it not into temptation and bad UK investments,” sayeth the Lord.

To sweeten the deal, the Lord also promised to remove Satan from head of light entertainment at Channel Nine and also install Jesus’ mother Mary (not the Lord Almighty’s wife just a very good friend with whom he has an open arrangement) as commissioning editor of the ABC.

02.28.2014 / Category: Religion / Tags: , ,