BNN

The Bugle Network News has been a regular on Melbourne radio’s RRR 102.7 since mid 2011. Here’s a few recent ones.

BNN – Episode 79

The spot price of iguana lips has again fallen below the psychologically important level of $US50 a tonne and the CSIRO have discovered that time was invented to ensure everything doesn’t happen at once.

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BNN – Episode 77

House prices continue to skyrocket, polarising our cities between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have yachts’.

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BNN – Episode 73

This week Rupert Murdoch urges readers of his newspapers and viewers of his TV stations not to worry what smart people think as they are the minority.

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BNN – Episode 71

A Melbourne Uni Study proves conclusively that lego is in fact a dangerous a gateway drug to Ikea. And later we talk to Tony Abbot about his family life and other on daughter matters.

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BNN – Episode 69

This week Vladimir Putin goes to Bunnings to buy Georgia and Ukraine but they are sold out. He also performs Putin on the Ritz

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BNN – Episode 67

Coming up today we go the Middle East to get the latest on the fuck you accord signed by the Israel and Hammas overnight.
A Melbourne University study proves that fame does actually guarantee the kindness of strangers. And our online poll today – is the Federal Government heading for a double disillusionment?

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BNN – Episode 65

Today we ask who needs rhetorical questions?

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BNN – Episode 63

Nigeria proves that still has what it takes when it comes to finding innovative new ways to be the world’s worst country.
And we ask if ants can lift fifty times their own body weight, why don’t they ever lift a finger around the house?

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BNN – Episode 61

NSW Premier Barry O’Farrel walks the plonk and agrees to be laid at an angle in a cellar. And Mick Jagger reveals  the man of wealth and taste in Sympathy for the devil is Barry Corby from 14a Gladstone Avenue Werribee.

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BNN – Episode 19

“Actually, I’m afraid of Virginia Wolf,” reveals Armadale resident.
Rio Tinto hires Julie Bishop’s stare to bore new Pilbara mine.
And Labour consults out-of-focus group for answers to fuzzy logic questions.

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BNN – Episode 17

The International Minke Whale Association has successfully applied to the UN for a licence to kill 935 Japanese whalers over the next 12 months for “scientific purposes”.

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BNN – Episode 15

7-11 to relaunch as a chain of ‘inconvenience stores’.
News Limited to relaunch as Limited News.
Ablett’s groin injurers its knee playing tennis with Cameron Ling’s hammy.

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BNN – Episode 13

Adult film actress returns to her roots.
Animal testing abandoned… because they kept giving the wrong answers.
“My short-term memory is not as good as it used to be,” reveals Rupert Murdoch adding, “also, my short-term memory’s not as good as it used to be.”

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BNN – Episode 11

Greenie Midget Chains Self to Bonsai Tree.
Ratings agency Standard and Poors now trading as Substandard and Porous.
And Rupert Murdoch writes “wake up” on to-do list.

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BNN – Episode 9

Cow killed in abattoir accident.
News Limited sells lowest common denominator to Disney.
Marijuana customer advised to press hash key.

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BNN – Episode 7

Horse wakes up with frog in its throat.
Frog wakes up a little horse.
Midget Prisoner wakes up a little crook.
And firebrand Muslim cleric wakes up feeling Shiite!

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BNN – Episode 5

New report finds only economists and cancer cells believe in continual growth.
Inner urbanite wears ironic t-shirt.
I have no one to blame but everyone else reveals James Murdoch.

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BNN – Episode 3

André Rieu DVD used to induce medically supervised vomiting.
AMP assessors rejected a life insurance claim by Mr Jesus Christ of Heaven.
Proven! Rental cars do float.

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BNN – Episode 1

Alan Jones productions in association with the Sydney Gay Mardi Gras presents Clive Palmer The Opera!

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BNN – Episode 82

And now the figures
Ongoing disappointment ended the day down ….again.
And the hideous and random injustice of the cosmos ended the day firmer up two point the close the curtain

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BNN – Episode 80

Philosopher spends weekend binge thinking. And Tony Abbott an embarrassing about face after losing face in a battle with the Liberal Party’s faceless men.

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BNN – Episode 78

A local giraffe is grateful that only a tiny fraction of all theoretically possible shit actually happens. And the CSIRO has converted sunlight into liquid fuel and called it beer.

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BNN – Episode 74

Tony Abbot’s gay sister and Bob Katter’s gay brother are to be married in Australia’s first gay wedding. And local medical professional advises patient to “just pick at it”.

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BNN – Episode 72

Coming today new laws require candidates for the Victorian parliament to show proof of IQ, Putin calls in from a caravan park on the Gold Coast and James Hird talk to us exclusively about his painful break up with reality and learning that drugs don’t ruin your career but Drug tests do.

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BNN – Episode 70

Briefly alive against the back drop of nothingness? Hurtling through time and space with no way home? Smothered from your connection to being by the trivial? Well f**k it all because you’re listening to the bracing concept that is the Bugle Network News.

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BNN – Episode 68

Fairfax renames itself Few fax. And News Limited is to change its name to Limited News. And We talk to a local homeless man who confesses to having no idea where he’s going to put his visiting interstate relatives. And a warning this program contains surgical procedures.

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BNN – Episode 66

President Obama’s psychiatrist reveals Obama has a military industrial complex. And for those interested Ricky Muir is running a short course on how to make small talk in lifts next Tuesday in the Ding Dong Lounge accompanied by Tim Rogers on Sitar and Tex Perkins on a Datsun 180b

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BNN – Episode 64b

This week we are giving away a 32 cd box set of Warren Truss talking about everything from to hay all the way through to precipitation and spare box of unwanted advice from Peter Costello to any one who can answer why.

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BNN – Episode 64

A Melbourne University research study reveals that for every cigarette you smoke, God takes ten minutes off your life and gives it to Keith Richards. A local man proves that rental cars do not float.

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BNN – Episode 62

A Melbourne University research study reveals that for every cigarette you smoke, God takes ten minutes off your life and gives it to Keith Richards. A local man proves that rental cars do not float.

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BNN – Episode 62

Coming up today a local hipster gets “Please ask me about my stupid, boring fucking tattoo” tattooed on his forehead.
A 6-year Melbourne University study reveals that no one cares about you unless you are pretty or dying.

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BNN – Episode 20

Police are asking any who may have seen anything suspicious to contact them immediately. And Australia’s Reserve Bank has lost the Australian dollar. The AUD was last seen in the company of China heading west on the east gate for a lunch date with singer meatloaf and Gina Rheinhart.

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BNN – Episode 18

Clifton Hill fireman Barry Hada wins whole new family of fans after he rescues a tree stuck up a cat.

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BNN – Episode 16

New Apple CEO Tim Cook promises to improve Apple turnover by switching to Spanish Apples and unsalted butter.
Height of rudeness ends the day at 7ft 2”.
And the final sperm count is 1, 2 14.

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BNN – Episode 14

Pregnant pause gives birth to twin exclamation marks.
Shocking new study reveals most 6 year olds still can’t swear like unrepentant sociopaths.
East link, missing since Tuesday, found abandoned in a hedge in Toorak.

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BNN – Episode 12

Rolling Stones fan Anna Bligh pledges to remain natural wonder The great barrier Keef.
Local reveals “I just attempted suicide. I’m never doing that again, I almost killed myself”.
New research finds most homicide victims are unwilling to talk to the police.

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BNN – Episode 10

Animal testing abandoned because they got caught cheating.
Research finds while creativity is great, plagiarism is heaps faster.
We ask “Why can’t you punch people through the internet yet?”

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BNN – Episode 8

New medical research reveals that it takes balls to get a vasectomy.
Early projections prove that early projections are useless.

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BNN – Episode 6

Channel Seven partners with Big Kev Entertainment and Max Marxon Bottom .
Feeding enterprises for new reality TV show called Slaughter with the Stars.

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BNN – Episode 4

Hello ladies and gentlemen and investment bankers, it’s time for Blowing your Bugle – the only game show found to be unfit to be a company director.

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BNN – Episode 2

Today we ask if Tony Abbots gay sister and Bob Katter’s gay brother got married would that be Australia’s first gay marriage?

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