Angus Houston we have a problem! Stop Press! 14a Gladstone Ave, Werribee, wins 2016 Olympics Price of fame soars to 55 PM turns to focus group to decide what side of bed to get up on Weight of the world falls to 23.8 Size of the problem still only 12 Shoulders to cry on 167 Israeli troops fail to locate perpetrator of suicide attack Angels on the end of a pin confirmed at 100044444448888888.9 Chances of anything coming from Mars '1000,000:1', they said Julie Bishop’s stare to bore new Pilbara mine Cow Killed Abattoir Accident! ‘I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body’ reveals footy player Minke Whale Pod Given Go-ahead to Kill Japanese for ‘Research Purposes’'I nearly died. Then I did. Now I have and I am dead', explains Jesus Cow dies in abattoir accident Nuclear family blow up Ruins discovery proves Narcissus left reflection that arvo Proven! Grass is greener on other side Proven! Cheats do prosper and generally own media outlets Israelis and Palestinians agree to disagree and throw huge barbie to celebrate! Tibetan dolphin land mine victims demand gay rightsProven! Most comedians are not funny Phil Spector to build wall of sound around St Kilda Vegie Patch FUKKOF QANTAS!!! Kim Beazley Pulls Out of Big Kev The OperaAtheist finds religion behind couch 63% of ocean floor now in droughtShame Shane Warne warned Joe Hockey weighs in on Carbon Tax argument at 125kgsNauru bids for Winter Olympics 74 year old dies unaware he was a Vuvuzela prodigyShock discovery! St Kilda resident NOT involved in film industry No news actually turns out to be bad newsUS/Nauru Sign NPT, Pheww! World Safe For NowClairvoyant predicts some Japanese Spear whale sanctuary in Albert Park Lake 'I have never wavered from my belief that the day of reckoning will come for Bugle Corp. No matter how high Icarus flies he will fall to earth, and Sir Ian Chegsworth's hubris will be called to account when his grand vision collides with mine', Rupert Murdoch Climate change blamed for climate change Aerogard declares no fly zone Greenie midget chains self to bonsai treeAn Ernie dingo stole my baby Insider trader caught insider trading inside with insider RBA stamps interest rates “made in China” Inner Urbanite wears ironic t-shirt